Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Eyes Have it!

We have all experienced it!

Eyes don't lie! They are the windows of the soul! If we can learn how to read eyes, we will all be better off. Eyes are the ones that either invite you to come closer, or warn you to stay away. They love you or they scorn you! So what would make you think that you are getting away with something when your words say something else?

Studies show that in communication, 7% of the message is transmitted verbally. This leaves a 93% of the message transmitted in non-verbal ways; 38% of the message depends on the tone of voice and 55% on your body language. Don't believe me?

Stand in front of a mirror, and say "I LOVE YOU" three times. First, with no expression and no tone. Then add any tone you'd like; sweetness, indifference, anger, etc. I have never seen or heard anyone saying something sweet in a loud tone of voice!! See the difference? Now, say those words one more time, but to each tone add the respective body language, and you'll get the idea. Babies don't hear so much a mother's words; but they can see them opening the eyes, raising the voice, shaking the head and wagging the finger and they know something is wrong.

Add the dimension of expression; and you'll get much closer to the truth. Pursed lips, eye brows starting to scowl, tensing of the muscles in the face, and you know the other person is uncomfortable. On the other hand, think about yourself in a relax atmosphere and how your expressions match what you are feeling and saying.

Finally, bring in the eyes, and with practice you are able to differentiate between truth and non-truth. But not only that; you can also see the feelings. Are they sad to lie to you? Do you see love in their eyes? Do you see defiance? Look close enough and you will see how each part of a conversation brings around a different non-verbal clue. I will write another article regarding how to further tell how people are lying by the way the move their eyes; up, down, right or left. Is the same method security and intelligences services use.

And before I go on, let me bring a classic example of non-verbal clues and lying. While not a liberal (Im a moderate), I voted for Bill Clinton. But guess what I did when I saw him say "I did not have sexual relationships with that woman, Ms Lewinsky"? I started laughing, and yelling at the TV, 'you liar'!! It didn't help that his nose was a little flushed. Look, there are physiological responses to go alone with your emotions; you cant help them. Not even Hannibal Lecter, who got excited at the thought of lima beans and a Chianti.

I have experienced this in full circle in the last two days. Last night I saw relax, sweet, admiring, trusting eyes, along with an interested posture, and of course, flicking of the hair, and other signs women give out. Today, I saw the opposite; defensive posture, darting of the eyes, changes in tone of voice, tensing expressions. Although, I did see some shame, some remorse, insecurity, a little anger and a little love.

Those were enough; words were not necessary!

P.S. KP, thank U 4 last night!

Friday, November 25, 2005

When I met you..

When I met you,
I wasn't planning on falling in love. I wasn't planning on feeling so attracted to someone, anyone. But you took feelings inside of me, and exploded them to the max; like no one else had.

When I met you,
I didn't realize how much my love would grow; that the attraction that brought us together, would reach beyond passion and lust, to the comfort of knowing we had something special. Someone who once was just a lover, but became a very close friend.

When I met you, I had no idea where our relationship would lead us, how beautiful you would make my world.
But now I know without a doubt...
the luckiest day of my life,
was the day that I met you.

Inspired by a hallmark card with words credited to R.Duvall
Click on Image for rightful credit

I give thanks for friends!

I give thanks for friends!! No, not the TV show, just friends, period.

If you read my earlier post, you can see that I took a 'profile test' in which I scored low in the friends area. I am a person who has lots of friends but just give my all to a selected few (ok dont disown me now). And I have been down on those 'selected' few lately.

However, the day before, and on Thanksgiving, I received calls from so many of my friends, which was very nice and overwhleming. As if God was sending these messengers to my life. Yesterday, it was the first thing to come to mind in my prayer "I give thanks for friends". It makes you get a better sense of who appreciates you. My friend Michelle called and said how grateful she was because I was her friend. Then, we 'three-way-called' our friend Mary and left her a message saying more or less the same. She returned the call at 1242am est. Mary, please remember there is a 3 hours difference between us. And while these nights are sleepless for me, at midnight, I'm taking my strongest stab at achieving deep REMs. Try at 200am next time, you might get me.

This serves to re-enforce to me the fact that being loyal to my friends is one of my top values; not just an answer to a personality test question. It also makes me realize we need to tend to all of our friends throughout the year. And if something ever goes wrong, reach out. Its not about being wrong or right, but recognizing the sentiments we all have. And remember to give them thanks!

Musings from Black Friday

My halogen lamp'bulb' expired. I thought I could wait until the weekend to go and buy a new one, since I don't like going to stores on Black Friday. But, I was wrong, I had to go and get it. However, this little errand provided me with some fun life observations;

1- I got lucky in finding a parking spot right away at my local Walmart. A SUV was pulling out from one of the closest parking spaces as I entered the lot. However, the SUV could not continue its pull-out, because standing on its way, either oblivious to the situation or moronically behaving, there was a married couple yelling something at their little girl. "Get off the road, you are going to get hit by a car"; they repeated this a couple of times, until I beeped my horn and pointed to the big black piece of metal reversing into them. That's probably why the girl did not move; she was thinking she might get hit by a car if she went back to her parents.

2- And speaking about going back to their parents, while I was walking to the cash register, this 6 yr old kid went by me running with a familiar face. It was the same face I had when I temporarily lost sight of my parents in Kmart many, many years ago. One filled with panic and the indecision on whether to start howling and alert everyone to what was happening. To many, he was just a kid running. But I knew that face. It made me feel what I felt years ago. I stopped him, looked around, and his parents were not too far behind, even though he was running in the opposite direction. Which begs another question, why do we ALL run in the opposite direction when faced with a hardship? Let's gravitate towards the comfort of loving and familiar hearts.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Thanksgiving stuff (ing)!

I am grateful for Thanksgiving! It makes each one of us sit down and give thanks! (duh!). Even if for a minute. I am a grateful person, and one of my favorite sayings is "Thank God"; and within my breath "Thank You God". Every day you wake up to be who you are in this world, thank your god. I think "Lori's World" has a very nice perspective on it.

Also, it was probably my favorite time to go see my parents. My Mom's food was out of this world. And she knew it.. and she bragged in her own manner, and this made her happy! Then again, this Thanksgiving marks the 4th year of my Mom showing me her Mammograph results, asking me to confirm what later on became our battle. I should not be grateful for this memory or the fact that no longer the turkey tastes the same, but the illness only affected her body, and she only suffered physically one last day. Her spirit was never outwardly affected. And for that I am grateful!

But, 'in honor' of Thanksgiving , allow me to say thanks for things I have and love, and let me serve some stuffing with my ramblings. Sit down and enjoy!

I found the following Life Quiz in the blog entitled "A Day in the Life of..." So what the heck I took it. I am above average in most areas, except Friends/Family and Love; and these bring me below average in the general LIFE area (MIND got affected also). WAIT! Don't take pity on me yet. I found the descriptions under every area very accurate. And for those that know me, being very, very down in the areas of Friends/Family and Love, today Nov 18, 2005, is NO surprise! It doesn't help that I am the only child, and that my mom passed away recently. But it is a good picture of how these actual events are affecting my, otherwise, very healthy LIFE! (Hold on to the Zoloft!)

This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 6.1
Mind: 6.9
Body: 8.4
Spirit: 7.5
Friends/Family: 2.2
Love: 2.1
Finance: 7.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I also went ahead and took the Dating Profile questionaire;

Your dating personality profile:

Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.
Wealthy/Ambitious - You know what your goals are and you pursue them vigourously. Achieving success is important to you.
Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality.

Your date match profile:

Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Sensual - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers.
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Not bad! Hey? Ok, so here is the rest of my stuff (ing)!

I love my 2000 BMW 325i ... but the maintenance costs are not so lovable!

I love my TREO 650

I still love my Special friend; I might be very, very wrong. But, you are not doing anything to make me/it right.

I only have 10 weeks to train for my 3rd Miami Half Marathon. GO TONY! GO GO GO!

Did I already say Happy Birthday to me? It was earlier this month. Being a Scorpio is like carrying a semi-automatic weapon.. you need to keep it under wraps. Right now, I am struggling to keep the Michael Corleone part of me tamed.
(This kitten should be firing away .. download and save as .gif, doubleclick and open, and it might work.)

And speaking of that... I love my friend Debbie! Who knew we would be here 13 years after I let my dark side go unchecked. Our lives are somewhat parallel. Im glad Im the only person besides your mom you get mad at! Maybe I will write something about her. If thats ok with her.

Lyrics from retro songs make more sense now: "so I'd like to know where, you got the notion.. to rock the boat.. dont rock the boat baby, rock the boat, dont tip the boat over..."

Milwaukee is a secret well kept.

How can you go from trying to keep a friend from some sort of depression and you are the one that ends up there?

Did you notice the new storm that formed just south of Cancun? It might affect Florida. Are you kidding me? A Tsunami last December, Katrina, Rita and Wilma, earthquake in Pakistan, Killer tornadoes in the midwest in November.... I am not an expert, nor I have slept at a Holiday Inn Express recently, but something is definitely wrong.

Give thanks! Love your loved ones! Give love unconditionally! Do not hurt your friends! Do not turn your back on them! -------> Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Did I lose it?

I am a very good boy most of the time.

There used to be a time when I was bad; and did not care. Now, please do not get turned off by the next comment, but it has a point. Once upon a time, I had a span of 37 months in a row where I was either sucking face, making out, or even having intercourse with at least one different person per month. Look, I am not trying to presume I can enter Guiness pages with this number. But, that was definitely not normal. What kept the streak going, was just the streak itself (ok Cal Ripken Jr might have said the same); a selfish, self-serving, narcicistic motivation. Until a woman walked into my life, and for whatever reason (she did not ask me to) I wanted to respect her (and any other women I knew) even though we were not married.

However, there were times when our situation got me so upset, that I went back to bad. And the older I was, the badder I got. I did not like myself because I was using women, and the minute I was done the best way to get rid of them was just to be a bit mean. Sex in any form, was nothing but an expression of anger from me, and I am sure that is not what those girls signed up for. I was not being nice.

Well, I have been wondering lately if I could return to be a naughty boy. Could it be the same? Life choices narrow as you grow older. Also, as one female blogger wrote to me, it is different between men and women; she has gotten 900 profiles in the net, while I have gotten only 50 in a longer period of time. And out of those 50 only 2 were attractive. Let me quote BJ from Iowa; Why is it that some people seem to have a wide variety of prospective partners and others not nearly as much? Seems like some can meet people others quite frequently, while someone like myself rarely meets anyone I even want to consider approaching. If relationships are really a numbers game that really diminishes my chances at meeting someone compatible.

See, I think MOST good looking women don't feel like they HAVE to post their profiles. Whatever comes to them will come. Even if they are at Starbucks on a Sunday morning at 0800am, wearing their sweatpants, a hat, and some retro Jackie Onassis glasses. Me? I have to work at it. And trust me, the responses are not good as they used to be. And I have been thinking, Did I lose it?

Well, I will tell you what I lost, and U2 has it; the Edge. When you have been respecting and being a decent man to these women, you are not going to get 'disrespected'. At least not as easy as before. Now it takes more time to create that 'naughty thought', and the will to risk a good and decent friendship.

And that is the energy that I do not have any longer. I am too passionate, too sensual...maybe a romantic. A 'One night stand with me', as one ex puts it, "its foreplay for the weeks to come'. I do not have the energy to 'covertly' promise weeks to come. I do not have the energy to be extra nice with this person if I don't want to be extra nice, and specially when I cannot be certain of how nice they can be. But on the same hand, I don't want to disrespect anyone.

So, did I lose it? Only time will tell. But I'll tell you, RIGHT NOW, I am not about hurting anyone for selfish reasons. Not classy. Not my style! Even when I could use some of that nowadays.

"Cranberry Orange Muffin and Venti Verona please!"

PS Happy Birthday Dad and Alex

Friday, November 11, 2005

Move on Amazon; We blog!

Recent media articles have decried the declining sales of CD's in the last few years due to the advent of 'file-sharing' in the internet. While I have not been formally certified as a pronosticator, I want to go on record and say, 'hey, maybe book stores will also start losing sales soon'. Warren Buffet created his empire by buying stocks from the companies he 'endorses'. Basically the concept is if you drink a lot of Coke, buy the darn stock. Makes sense. I for one have been reading a lot of blogs lately. My last two books are collecting dust next to my bed, and I have not been in to buy whatever magazine I read. I blog, and I like to read blogs.

Check out the USA Today article from October 30th, 2005, "Teens wear their hearts on their blogs". It reveals amazing and staggering numbers regarding kids and teens blogging. But the reality of it is that adults are very into it too. If teens are using blogs as the 'diaries' of the new millennium, adults are taking it to the max with the kind of things that adults can only explore and talk about. This is not any longer a phenomenon reserved for an elite few where reports and articles of social values were being printed and made available for anyone with a computer to read. It was done by those who were not fortunate enough to be part of a big magazine of newspaper payroll, or their influence. My memory points out to the Drudge Report as one of those leading the way.

Reading blogs from strangers is fascinating. It is reality tv for the web. But reality tv is not really reality. Put a camera in front of someone, and there goes all reality. Here, amidst the anonymity of cyberspace, people will say how they feel, what they do, and will show you the sides you normally wouldn't get a chance to see. There might be no Pulitzer Prize winners here (they will need a job in the New York Times first), but their blogs bleed honesty, the need to communicate their concepts and ideas, and their personal life-styles. One of my favorite things to do is to click on the NEXT BLOG button that BLOGGER provides. It randomly provides you with unknown blogs, and like Forrest used to say, 'you never know what you are going to get'. Here are some of my favorites blogs, or the ones that I have ran into lately which have made me substitute my remote for a mouse pad.

I need to begin with The Cunting Linguist . From the moment you get to her page the exquisite presentation of her blog attracts you like a magnet. I could not imagine better art to introduce her "blend of fact and fantasy" articles. Be aware, this is an adults only site. I am guilty of my own shallowness. I never imagined such beautiful and insightful writing. And those that would not take time to read alternative thoughts might as well stay inside their homes. Follow her links to other blogs and you will have material to read for days. One of my favorites is A New York Escort's Confession. Too bad that I cannot take my laptop to the pool. The glare on the screen could make Mr Magoo blinder.

Of course there are other writings. One of my favorites is Intellectual Intercourse. In here, its host, Korey, takes a look at different things of life with very good writing. Dance Dance Revolution anyone? Play in the City, details the activities found within the city of Milwaukee (where I went to college..Go Marquette!), narrated from a young female's point of view. Erin Leffelman's blog is fresh, and makes you feel like you are on an outing every weekend with some friends, The blog contains many beautiful and normal pictures; the kind you take when you are out with your friends. She also has a very nice list of book readings suggestions (move aside Oprah)!

Two of the most fascinating blogs I have found and are enthralled by are The Other Woman The Other Man and Secret Lovers Lane. Two different women dealing with lack of passion in their marriage and their sexual affairs, but most importantly, their insights as to what causes their behavior, what do the lovers bring into their lives, the guilt and the longing to make it really good in their relationship.. someday. The honesty these two ladies bring forth in their 'blogs' is not only commendable, but very educational; the kind we men don't get to see and/or understand. Meanwhile, The 30-Year-Old Virgin has definitely a different way of looking at the same situations we 'relationship' seeking people confront in life.

On the other hand, in the Wandering Hubby, BJ tells us how he went from loving husband, to being the man that tries to keep the fire burning inside of him. While at the same time you could tell within his writing that he is also waiting for that unconditional love that will keep him away from his resulted 'sexual exploitations'. And writing about sexual exploitations from a male point of view, take a look at The Insatiable Mr W. and his views on sex and other things 'people find difficult to discuss'.

These are the stories of adults, not kids or teens, a lot of times filling cyberspace with ideas that are not exchanged at the break room. Full of the honesty and insight we do not let out socially because we are not looking to be judged, but simply heard and understood. And since these sentiments are not openly exchanged, we all miss out on learning the intricacies of humans dealing with life. Therefore, this is the reason why reading blogs could be much more interesting than edited and marketed books or magazines. Its the Amazon of real stories.