Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Eyes Have it!

We have all experienced it!

Eyes don't lie! They are the windows of the soul! If we can learn how to read eyes, we will all be better off. Eyes are the ones that either invite you to come closer, or warn you to stay away. They love you or they scorn you! So what would make you think that you are getting away with something when your words say something else?

Studies show that in communication, 7% of the message is transmitted verbally. This leaves a 93% of the message transmitted in non-verbal ways; 38% of the message depends on the tone of voice and 55% on your body language. Don't believe me?

Stand in front of a mirror, and say "I LOVE YOU" three times. First, with no expression and no tone. Then add any tone you'd like; sweetness, indifference, anger, etc. I have never seen or heard anyone saying something sweet in a loud tone of voice!! See the difference? Now, say those words one more time, but to each tone add the respective body language, and you'll get the idea. Babies don't hear so much a mother's words; but they can see them opening the eyes, raising the voice, shaking the head and wagging the finger and they know something is wrong.

Add the dimension of expression; and you'll get much closer to the truth. Pursed lips, eye brows starting to scowl, tensing of the muscles in the face, and you know the other person is uncomfortable. On the other hand, think about yourself in a relax atmosphere and how your expressions match what you are feeling and saying.

Finally, bring in the eyes, and with practice you are able to differentiate between truth and non-truth. But not only that; you can also see the feelings. Are they sad to lie to you? Do you see love in their eyes? Do you see defiance? Look close enough and you will see how each part of a conversation brings around a different non-verbal clue. I will write another article regarding how to further tell how people are lying by the way the move their eyes; up, down, right or left. Is the same method security and intelligences services use.

And before I go on, let me bring a classic example of non-verbal clues and lying. While not a liberal (Im a moderate), I voted for Bill Clinton. But guess what I did when I saw him say "I did not have sexual relationships with that woman, Ms Lewinsky"? I started laughing, and yelling at the TV, 'you liar'!! It didn't help that his nose was a little flushed. Look, there are physiological responses to go alone with your emotions; you cant help them. Not even Hannibal Lecter, who got excited at the thought of lima beans and a Chianti.

I have experienced this in full circle in the last two days. Last night I saw relax, sweet, admiring, trusting eyes, along with an interested posture, and of course, flicking of the hair, and other signs women give out. Today, I saw the opposite; defensive posture, darting of the eyes, changes in tone of voice, tensing expressions. Although, I did see some shame, some remorse, insecurity, a little anger and a little love.

Those were enough; words were not necessary!

P.S. KP, thank U 4 last night!


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