Sunday, February 05, 2006

Happy Birthday Mom!

You would have been 65 today, and instead is 2 days shy of 21 months since you passed away. I would have been in Puerto Rico this morning watching TV, getting my bags ready to leave home, sad to not be able to spend more time with you and Dad, but understanding the uniqueness of our lives. And at the end, thats the way you wanted it anyways; for me to make my own life. We would have had some kind of party last night. And you would have been so happy! Being your 'life of the party' self. Many times in my life I have wished I would have been as happy-go-lucky as you were, and not take things too seriously. That was the basis of our last argument. I did take upon your emotional side and days like today remind me there is a hole in my heart.

I have been wondering how it seems like my life has had more hardships since you have been gone. Or is it that, like the sun, you exercised some powerful gravity in my life that kept me in a better orbit, or made the other things seem insignificant. The same goes for dad. Although I have to say I never thought he would be washing clothes, ironing, cleaning and cooking as good as he has been doing. I know you have had a hand on that; as I have felt it the times I have cooked something I have never cooked before, but it comes out tasting alsmost as good as yours.

I do not know what compells me to share such a private sentiment in this public forum. Maybe because as I wrote in an earlier post, blogs are the journals of adults. Maybe because this is the only way I can make myself sit down and run through a gamut of thoughts and let them all out in an orderly way. A form of meditation? I also contemplated posting your picture. The beautiful picture taken just two weeks before your death, which reminds me that the cancer that took you away, was never able to make you sick until those last 24 hours. But, for now, I guess that is just mine.

While I have this strong spiritual side and faith, I feel cheated. And honestly, I am not sure if you hear me or see me. I only hope so. But for the years that you gave to me, thank you! I still celebrate and give thanks for the day you were born.

10 Comments:

Blogger Desireous said...

That was very beautiful and sad all rolled into one. Your mother must have been a very wonderful woman it shows that you love her so much! Sorry for your loss.

Hugs
Des

5:34 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Wonderful tribute. Sharing this in a public forum helps. I wrote about my brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in years; it made me feel better when I realized I wasn't the only one in that situation.

Your mom sounds like a very special woman.

6:43 PM  
Blogger TMelendez said...

Thanks Des!

Thanks Fred!

7:34 PM  
Blogger Cheri said...

Thank you for sharing such a personal note and tribute to your mom! Se sounds like she was an amazing lady (and I'm not surprised...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!)

XOXO

11:27 PM  
Blogger EL A. said...

My dad passed on in June. I know how hard this must be. I'm sorry.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

That post was wonderful....Everybody needs to take the time and spend time with their loved ones.....You never know!!!.....One thing is for sure...they live in our hearts forever.

Have a great day!!!

5:55 PM  
Blogger TMelendez said...

Aawhh.. thanks Cheri..

El A.. June.. wow.. stil very fresh for you.. Im sorry also..

THanks Lori.. you alway have nice things to say..hey.. email it to John. Im sure he will appreciate it.

11:24 PM  
Blogger Sweetmiss said...

I read it once and it made me sad. Read it a second time and will probably read it again. very beautiful T.

Sweet

8:20 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

What a beautiful and moving tribute to your mother, T.

I lost my father last year as well, at 77, and it is so difficult.

Two days ago, I lost my beloved dog, who was almost 13, and the change is overwhelming.

Your mother was lucky to have such a kind, loving son.

6:10 PM  
Anonymous koreyj said...

Wonderful, excellent, and heartfelt dedication to your mother. I'm sure she's looking down to you with a smile on her face.

10:37 PM  

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