Monday, April 03, 2006

A hole in the HEART

YEAH, that is right... that is an exact depiction of a broken heart!

It is interesting how we grew up drawing broken hearts and speaking of them. I always wondered who came up with the term and why? It seemed to me more of a graphical symbolism that anything else. That is, if you had not experienced one.

If you have not experienced a broken heart you are in for a surprise! Yes it hurts. The dullest ache you have ever felt, and will feel. How logical is this? Physiologically, the heart is a muscle. Its function is to keep pumping blood throughout our bodies, vital for all sorts of functions. Some call it the most vital organ in our body. My muscles only hurt when I overwork them. Or if they suffer from some external trauma. So, how is it that this muscle 'hurts like a mutha' when that thing called love gets punctured like a balloon at a kids birthday party?

I have only felt this twice. When my mother died I remember grabbing my chest where I felt my pain, and pinching it with my fist, sort of like a pain taking the place of another pain, and neutralizing each other. The sad thing is that there is no way to mend a broken heart. It's like shattered glass; you cannot put the pieces correctly. You can only tend to it and treat it more carefully. Like any piece of valuable handcraft, it becomes 'fragile to handle'. It can crack up again at anytime. Like with any other aches, the pain does not let you live a normal life. So it is important that while not necessarily recognizing the issues that created that broken heart, it is the most humanistic thing to take care of them. We would try to revive anyone who suffered a heart attack; why not keep tabs on, or turn our backs on a broken heart?

The mother of a good male-friend seems to be in a very delicate state of health. He has been calling me trying to draw wisdom from my experience. It is amazing how when you are going thru that kind of pain, you find yourself in the biggest fog of your life. He mentioned how I was correct regarding that feeling of having a 'hole in the heart'. I hope I am able to provide the words to not only deal with the reality of the situation, but also to provide hope, peace, and some soothing for his heart.

Yesterday, while talking to a female-friend she mentioned how her heart has been aching over missing a great friendship. "First time", I asked. "No; second", was the reply. Once again, here was a different person, yet we agreed about that dull feeling, the strange sensation of having a 'hole in the heart'; a hole inside your chest. While not belittling, I compared her situation to mine in order to try to minimize her pain. She sympathized with me saying something like; 'I can't imagine how much does your heart hurts after all those years of special friendship'.

I would not be able to explain it either. It just is.

If you have not experienced what I am talking about, can you phatom it? I bet not. I can explain meta-physics, neuro-surgery and PE Ratios; a little. I cannot explain a broken heart. If anything, besides its pain, it's a miracle of life. A gift of God. Because the majority of the time the emotion, which builds over time, produces great moments of joy after joy. We do not notice great things until they are gone. The hole, is nothing but a physical expression and reaction to that which has been taken away from us involuntarily, and is no longer present in its known form.

And finding that out, while painful, is major evidence that we are alive! That we exist! And we are not just animals or plants, but thinking and most importantly, feeling creations.


Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

You have such a passionate and good heart, I can tell by your writings.

I know what a broken heart is, how one feels, and how long it can last. I just recently experienced it with the death of my dog, Astro. Time heals, at least that is what I hear, although the cracks always remain in place.

6:06 PM  
Blogger TMelendez said...

Thanks Barbara...

I could tell from your writings how affected you were when Astro stopped being. I remember thinking that you writing about it so often was your way of working things out, sort of a therapy without paying anyone.

I think that time along with closure might do most of the trick.. but without closure.. I think time only throws sand on the sink hole!

"thanks for your mind"

8:29 PM  
Blogger Cheri said...

You have such a passion, such insight to this broken heart and aching heart. I love reading your writing. May you and your friend find closure and be able to mend that hole in your heart!

8:53 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Time does help.....But I'm not sure that hole ever really gets filled....It's always there!!

Have a great day!!!

12:28 AM  
Blogger SPG said...

Pain makes us feel alive.

A broken heart reminds us we're more than flesh, blood and evolutionary programming - we are living spirits. The pain we carry in our soul helps us remember its existence, and validates our humanity.

7:19 PM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Curiously the heart can be broken a lot of times. Even though it doesn't feel like it will ever recover, it will. Oh, you remember each one and time heals. Also each new love helps to ease the pain. I know it sounds shallow, but I speak as one who has quite a few of them. What does that say about me? I'm not sure really, but I survived even though I didn't think I would. In the end, I am still friends with most of them.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Southern Sweetheart said...

I love this post. Great great expression of what I've felt too many times.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Desireous said...

What an amazing post! One could never imagine how painful a broken heart could be until one has the experience. I think there is no worse pain than a broken heart. I'd rather be hungry and poor and even homeless then to have a broken heart. And worse to have a broken heart due to a death. That is so final. And yet to not risk the pain would be a tremendous loss.


11:34 PM  

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