Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Blue Diamond

Besides, 'don't shower after you eat', 'too much masturbation will make you go blind" or 'will grow hair in your hands'... I grew up hearing a few other things; Diamonds are a girl's best friend, Blue Diamonds are hard to find; grown man don't cry.... Hum, these last three do not hold true anymore. BLUE DIAMONDS are easy to find (especially if you have some disposable income) and they are a MAN's BEST FRIEND. And these two things can make a grown man cry!

I am talking about VIAGRA!! I was just sitting here minding my own business when a Viagra commercial AROUSED my intellect. I could not PUT IT DOWN, the idea of blogginb my thoughts that is.

Look, I'll confess, I have taken the little blue diamond pill!! No shame in telling you this; Why?
Because thank God I do not have a problem. At least not yet (fingers crossed). Well, OK, is not exactly like when I was 18, my problem then was trying to keep it down so that I could hit the toilet bowl. My dad did not want to spend money tearing a wall and making an extension in the bathroom so that I could back up and get a good arch going.

I took it out of your basic experimentation. Just like pot in college, except that pot did not do anything but give me the munchies (Hum... Viagra might have done that too). Anyway, I figure, Arnold admitted using steroids while winning body building competitions, what the heck, my muscle could use some help also. Mark McGuire, while on steroidal usage became the first season home run king and became Big Mac. And Barry Bonds, after the age of 40, and amid grand jury documentation of steroidal use, has banged more home runs than anyone in recent history. I figure I could do the same! Hey the little pill has not been banned in the MAJOR leagues.

Before I go on, let me say I am not a regular user. The reason why?, I AM AFRAID of becoming one! Besides, the head-aches I have gotten after the few uses (less times than fingers in one hand) are worst than any hangover I might have ever experienced. Besides, is not like you plan everything in your life, and is not like I can say "let me go to the restroom to freshen up" and do that for almost an hour while waiting for the pill to take effect.

The commercial today cracked me up...

"If you experience an erection for more than four hours please see your doctor immediately". - WHY?? WHY I might ask? After four hours I might dont want to see a Dr., I might want to see the one that couldn't go out with me earlier that night becuause one is all I could handle well! If I am not supposed to "be up" for four hours, whats the point in paying all that money for one little pill? I can do my job. I just need you to help me make it better and longer.

"Less common side effects are blurred vision or sensitivity to light...." - Hellooooooo.. why would I want to open my eyes?? Its better with my eyes close and the lights out... Of course I am going to have sensitivity to light once Im done. Besides, that's how I have fantasized about Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, etc, etc... At that time, I want problems with my eye sight because I want to go BRAILLE!

"Viagra is not recommended for those with heart problems"..... - LOL .. I have been on dates when experimenting with this.. my broken heart set me up with those dates!!! Of course I have 'heart problems!!.

" Viagra is prescribed to treat erectile disfunction" - Wrong!!! It has not become the best seling drug because every one has a disfunction.. how about to 'increase erectile functions?

"If you experience any discomfort during sex seek immediate medical help"- - .. Are you talking to me???

14 Comments:

Blogger Melanie said...

Hello T:

With the news about Rush Limbaugh this morning your post is quite timely (although I noticed you posted before the news hit the public).

So I found your blog by reading your comments on Cheri's blog and now I'm commenting on yours for two reasons.....

One, I like the last name Melendez, and two....
We're both South Floridians!

Great blog, btw.

9:34 AM  
Blogger erika said...

LOL So your a fan of the magic blue pill I take it?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

Loved the cartoons.

I haven't done the magic blue pill yet. If I need anything, I figure two ice cream sticks and masking tape should do the trick.

10:57 AM  
Blogger scarlett said...

Very funny post! Thanks for making me laugh and smile first thing in the morning.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

OK, I'm thinking, no more blue pill. lol

12:33 PM  
Blogger TMelendez said...

Hi Melanie! Thanks and welcome.. and please dont pay too much attention to that CHERI girl... !! Hee hee (she is going to kill me now).

Erika.. a Fan?? I wouldnt say that. I am a fan of what it can do. But then again Cialis keeps producing a whole weekend.

Fred.. speaking of 'discomfort'.. there are so many cartoons if you do a search in Yahoo, under Images, for Viagra.

Scarlett.. Im glad I could aroused your humor this morning.

GE.. I would dare to say you havent try it either.. >;-> .. By the way.. thanks for the idea of my new video.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Southern Sweetheart said...

Ok - Since no one else said it I will. What does a man like you need with a little blue pill? Didn't you mention a while back the reputation you guys have? :) Come on - don't ruin the image I have going on!!! ;)

12:30 AM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Good stuff Tony. You gave me some much needed laughs.

Oh, by the way about one of your comments: Of course, I was here for Bucky "Bleepin" Dent, and Boone in 2003.
...Tough trivia question for you:
What is the only team to ever blow a 3-0 lead in post season play by losing four in a row to the eventual World Series Champions?
(Hint: it occurred in 2004.)

1:31 AM  
Blogger Leigh said...

This was a priceless post. I loved it. Thanks for the giggles.

3:12 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Nope, and I can't see you needing it either!

Love that song, too, you are welcome!

11:53 AM  
Blogger TMelendez said...

SS... Like I said, I didnt need to try pot either... I have just tried it *twice*... and *cialis* the 36 hrs pill once... just to know.. so that no one has to tell me. Let me out it to you this way.. it reminds me of the movie The Mask with Jim Carrey!!!

HALE.. did I cause you to place that license plate on your blog? About the trivia.. I saw a movie recently with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Falon.. but ... it just a movie.. I dont remember something like that happening!!

Thanks Leigh!

GE.. I meant you have not experienced it as a second party, huh??

hee hee !

6:12 PM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

Never knew anyone I was with to need it, no. And that was my "nope" answer, sorry.

*wink

4:49 PM  
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Blogger Carlos Kumbie said...

lol..you're wrong

6:22 PM  

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